Tuesday, November 12, 2002 :::
 

Sometimes I wonder how he can think otherwise. How dare he challenge me, that fucking moron... At this very moment I know I hold a truth not far from ultimate. I just know.
Yet tommorow hope will wake him up. If not tommorow, another day. Maybe I'll still be here tommorow. Maybe I'll survive the next 24hours. But hes gonna wake up. Then he will believe in his truth and he will go on his merry way, hoping, hoping like a cute little white bunny.
But I'm still here and I know. I understand. I've lived with this truth inside me for 22 years now, and there is no denying it. Anger and hatred have made way for the all mighty acceptance. Yet there's still something that stirs inside of me, but I cant name it.
Why me? why was I chosen.
Fuck it.
Why am I writing this? I know that tommorow he's gonna regret it, maybe not even understand it. Why write this piece of crap here?
Probably in hopes that somebody understands. Its a calling, a rally cry. But nobody can hear it. Only my kind can. My kind? do they even exist? are there still some of my kind? fucking loosers. No it cant be, I'm not one of them. So where are you my brothers? Hanging from a diy gallow's pole, dying from an addiction, or surrounded by conformity and normality. Sorry, I won't join you. I dont quit. So, I'm not one of you. I'm alone. We are brothers of pain and that's it.
And tommorow or the next day he'll be a fucking weakling, hoping and running after dreams created by his peers and surroundings... people that believe they hold a truth when they hold SHIT. Not in my world they dont.

Good thing he's gonna wake up though, coz I would probably have stoped running without him. I guess he's not all bad. He gives me things closest to what I want. Enough to keep me running.

enough. I can feel myself dying. He's trying to wake up, I got to go.

::: posted by Esamurai at 11:05 PM

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